2017 IN LIST FORM

Books I Read (that I wrote down somewhere)
The Hobbit
Tiny Beautiful Things
Bossypants
The Princess Diarist
Daring Greatly
The Year of Yes
Loving What is

Events and Thoughts of Import
Adopted Biscuit (cat)
Got to know Lesley
Lots of crying in April
Started Organize Mom's House project
Color Run
Finished DBT class
Beer Festival with Joel
5K run
Jill Coleman and Mindset
Talked to Angie re: incorrect perceptions
Casey got a job at QFC
Sat outside all summer
TreadLIFT
Alicia - Homecoming!
Also Alicia - broke foot.
Started homeschooling Mckenzie
Casey got her driver's license
Alicia's friends threw a surprise birthday party
Started Beachbody
Snow at Xmas

Concerts and Plays I saw
Emmet Cahill
Byrne and Kelly - 2x --  "Brothers in Arms" just for me!
Jacob Whitesides
Shawn Mendes (3x)
Ed Sheeran
Something Rotten
Brene Brown booktour
Aladdin
The Humans
Postmodern Jukebox

Trips We Took
Kingston in February
Spring Break in Eugene and Portland
Whale watching w/Alicia
St Edwards hike
Port Gamble and Fort Flagler
Omaha/Iowa/South Dakota trip with Perri and crew!
Beach Day
My mom's in July
Camping
Minnesota
Thanksgiving in Eugene
Leavenworth at Veteran's Day
Christmas

Movies I Saw
Newsies on Broadway
Star Wars
Murder on the Orient Express
Kingsman
Dunkirk
The Dark Tower
Baby Driver
Guardians of the Galaxy 2
Going in Style
Beauty and the Beast

THE DAY WE STRUCK OIL

(on Monday)

At first, we thought the black liquid was oil, that we'd struck it rich and that we'd be able to retire and live in leisure. We actually started writing down all the ways we'd spend the money.

My first choice was to buy the biggest swimming pool in the world and fill it with all the ice cream a person could eat. Jamie said that was stupid -- swimming in ice cream would give you frostbite.  You'd have to go with pudding, or maybe peanut butter.

It's not like his list was any better. He just wanted to go to Disneyland every day for a year. Isn't there a limit to how often you could go before you'd get bored??

Jenny said we were both idiots. She wouldn't share her list, but I'm sure it was full of grown-up wishes -- world peace and 401Ks and all that. Jenny was always pretending she was better than us.

I still thought the ice cream pool was a pretty cool idea.  I bet Jenny did, too.

But then the rock I was sitting on blinked.  And the ground began to move, and I remember thinking that maybe we hadn't struck oil after all.

AN OLD WOUND, REOPENED

I've made a new friend over the past few months... a sort of serendipitous find where I think we were both something that the other person needed. I am enjoying the friendship -- and we're in the stage of getting to know each other where you slowly tell each other all of your stories.

I like this part of getting to know someone.  Perhaps it is simply the lover of story in me. But I always feel a bit like it's our stories, and how we tell them, that make up who we are and help us to know each other and explain why we think the things we do, feel the things we do, say the things we do.

I'd told her a story about my past... something that, when it happened, had been a source of acute hurt, embarrassment, and inferiority. But something that had done a lot to guide the way I felt about certain things, shaped the things I believed, even formed some of my resentments.

And even though it was something that happened four years ago, the whole thing came flooding back as I told it and as we talked about it. Every wince. Every slap in the face. Every drop of anger. Every bit of "less than."

My heart beat fast. My blood pumped itself to everywhere. I breathed too quickly. Tears threatened to fall.

And it was strange to me that something that happened so long ago could still be felt so acutely.

But, it was felt differently, too.  Where, in the beginning, I rushed to apologize for things that weren't really mine to apologize for...  now, I accepted what happened, but also acknowledged the beliefs and the actions that were wrong. I gave myself permission to be angry and hurt without judging myself for it. And asserted that not everything that someone else believes about me is necessarily true. I get to choose that.